‘Army food with gravy’ for dinner: Why Becky is using Mother’s Day to make up for lost time with her children

Former hospitality worker Becky Bentley once worked across three jobs to put her older daughter Belinda through private school. She did so to make a statement to her late husband that the privilege shouldn’t be reserved for only sons.

Becky, Belinda and Blake Bentley (L-R) at the 2022 40 Under 40: Most Influential Asian-Australian Awards ceremony in Sydney last year.

Becky first met Raymond at Bambusia Chinese Restaurant in Sydney's Bondi Junction in 1983.

She was a waitress who had fled her life in Hong Kong after a bad break-up with a boyfriend, to learn English in Australia.

Raymond was dining at Bambusia with his then-girlfriend, who had to remind him to concentrate on eating, not on Becky. The next time he visited, Raymond came alone.

A whirlwind romance followed between the two but as Becky’s one-year student visa was expiring, Raymond, 15 years her senior, asked Becky to register to marry him as a promise that she’d return to Australia.

Restauranteur Maisie Leung (L) and Becky Bentley (R) at Bambusia Chinese Restaurant, Bondi Beach in the early 80s.

“My father was very upset because I got married before I got his permission,” says Becky, adding her marriage prompted her father to disown her.

She said he also had concerns as a non-English speaker that he’d have no connection to his future grandchildren in Australia. But Becky didn’t let that happen.

“My mum made it a point to make sure that my brother and I went to Cantonese Sunday School in Strathfield and actually we learned how to read, write, recite poetry, speak and understand Cantonese,” says Belinda, Becky’s daughter.

The 37-year-old grew up spending many holidays visiting family in Hong Kong, including her grandparents.

A series of unpredictable life turns would then strain Becky’s relationship with Raymond.

When Belinda was six, Raymond was made redundant from his job as a wharf foreman in Botany Bay.

Although she urged him to find other work or go to TAFE to upskill, Becky says he refused and lived off Centrelink payments, his redundancy payout and a bit of inheritance.

By the time younger sibling Blake reached school-age, Becky says Raymond was steadfast he would receive a private education.

Happier times: Becky Bentley and Ray Bentley on their wedding day in Australia in 1984.

“Raymond was Australian but had a very old-fashioned idea that she would have expected from someone with a Chinese or Japanese culture,” says Becky.

He wanted to give the best to boys only because they will carry on the surname Bentley.

“I said you can’t do that. You have to provide for both.”

She eventually lost the argument and was told that if she wanted her daughter to get a “better education,” she was responsible for the extra cost.

“I didn’t want to be blamed by my daughter, so I told myself I had to work,” says Becky.

She then spent the next 11 years working across three jobs until Belinda received a means-tested school scholarship in her later years of high school.

Belinda Bentley and her grandfather in Hong Kong grew up close despite his earlier concerns he'd have trouble connecting with his grandchildren in Australia.

Becky worked morning shifts at a café, then had a two-hour window after school to prepare dinner, before heading to her next workplace.

Their family meals usually consisted of beef mince with frozen peas, corn and gravy on steamed rice, which her kids dubbed “army food” or “slop with rice”.

Food was left for Raymond to microwave before she travelled to Sydney’s south for her evening shift at the Mortdale Masonic Club.

Although Becky was “working like a donkey,” sometimes doing weekend shifts too, Belinda says there was never any question over her mother’s dedication to her family.

“We understood. Mum wasn’t around most of the time. Dad picked us up from school. We understood very early on the dynamic,” says Belinda.

I tried to model on my children not to rely on welfare.

Becky Bentley

The extended 'family' Belinda and Blake grew up with in Maroubra, Sydney, as Becky worked three jobs to support her family.

Life wouldn’t get easier for the family as Raymond developed terminal brain cancer whilst experiencing deafness in one and a half ears.

Becky would worry about Raymond tripping and falling down the stairs and escorted him many times to emergency.

“It was a testing time,” says Belinda.

I won’t lie that mum and I had many arguments about his palliative care and wish to die at home.

Belinda Bentley

Despite moments most would rather not experience, drawbacks usually left the family stronger.

A slip in the kitchen when Belinda was in year 10 left Becky with a badly cracked tailbone, which she says almost left her paralysed.

“Thank God, I had a daughter who was there for me every day. Can you imagine? I couldn’t even pull up my underpants,” says Becky.

A volunteer with a Christian church in Sydney's west, Becky Bentley (third from right) says she spent many years playing the male and female role in her household.

More recently, Belinda has also had to nurse a personal injury, experience bouts of anxiety and depression and miscarriage - twice.

Although there is some stigma around adopting children in South Asian culture, Becky reassured her daughter that she was open to her going through the process.

“It felt so good to hear from mum that there was no pressure to have to do it the biological way,” says now 17-week pregnant Belinda.

As her children have grown into adults and have their own lives, Becky says her bond with her children has grown strong after being a largely absent parent for much of their childhood.

“I feel guilty in a way, but I had no other choice. But I also would have felt guilty had I not put in the effort,” says Becky.

'Proud of my daughter': Becky and Belinda Bentley at the 2022 40 Under 40 Most Influential Asian-Australian Awards night.

Last October, Belinda was nominated for the 40 Under 40 Most Influential Asian Australians award for her community work in social housing and entrepreneurship and mentorship in the construction sector.

She took her mother to the award ceremony.

Belinda recalls her mother whispering, “I’m so proud of you,” several times throughout the night into her ear, evidence of her mellowing out after realising her children hadn’t grown up “messed up”.

On Mother’s Day this year, Becky’s children and their partners are taking her and her new husband out to lunch to celebrate.

“They’re my everything … I’m trying to make up for time (lost) as much as possible,” says Becky referring to her children.