Learning to understand your 'tiger' parents

Melissa Chiang, her twin sister and brother

Melissa Chiang with her twin sister and brother, says their mum had a different way of expressing love. Source: Melissa Chiang

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Heartwarming? Frustrating? Both? Chinese-Australian families seem to run the full spectrum. On this episode of Chinese-ish, Wing and Mark unpack the extremes with chiropractor and Australian Survivor contestant Melissa Chiang, and journalist and young mum Sonia Feng.

Chinese-Australian families often straddle competing social and cultural expectations, particularly between generations.

Curfews, learning piano and varying shades of 'tiger mum' seem like common stories for young Chinese-Australians today.

"I thought it was compulsory for every kid to learn piano," says chiropractor and Australian Survivor contestant Melissa Chiang, "turns out no."

Journalist and young mum Sonia Feng chalks this up to different communication styles and expectations within the Australian Chinese community.

She says, "I don't think a lot of Chinese parents communicate well, even though they might speak several languages, [partly] because they didn't have that experience themselves, where their parents were openly communicative and in touch with their feelings."

"And so I think they just had expectations and sort of emulated their own parents."

In this episode of Chinese-ish

How do young Chinese-Australians navigate relationships with parents, siblings, and their own children?
Does growing up in a mixed culture environment change how you relate to your parents?
How has your relationship with your parents evolved over time?

Nonetheless, both Feng and Chiang spoke lovingly of their parents, particularly when reflecting on how their relationship has evolved over time.

Feng says, "I understand them more as parents because I'm a parent myself now."

Growing up, they rattle on and on about sacrifice and hardship, like nagging me for 30 odd years about this. I never valued it... but now I know how much it takes.