What is migratory grief? Can migrants ever overcome their sense of loss and displacement?

Moving to a different country long-term often comes with multiple emotional trials. As migrants endure the rollercoaster of culture shock and adapting to a foreign environment, many often feel a complex sense of displacement and identity loss. So, what can migrants do to cope and feel ‘whole’ again?

Migratory grief often relates to the tangible and intangible losses migrants experience when they move countries. Source: Moment RF / d3sign/Getty Images

Key Points

• Migratory grief is complex and multifaceted.
• When feelings of loss are intangible they become more difficult to manage.
• Prolonged grief can delay important decision-making and hinder future stability.
• Healing can be complicated and a personal process, but support is available.

Grief in the context of migration is multi-layered. From geographic separation, loss of familiarity and support networks, to lack of belonging and sense of place, new migrants often juggle multiple losses at once.

Beyond the stresses of the initial culture shock and waves of homesickness, or the difficulties posed by language barriers, many migrants and refugees also experience a string of tangible and intangible losses that can deeply erode their wellbeing and relationships.

These feelings are often referred to as migratory grief.

“When someone grieves, and they've had some sort of loss, most commonly the loss is very identifiable. You lost a loved one or pet, or you lost a job, or you lost your house, and it's very identifiable, and you’re sad and you're angry and you're upset, but it's got a sense of closure about it,” Dr Grant Blashki, Clinical Lead at Beyond Blue explains.

However, migrants also experience other types of compounding emotional losses that are unclear and undefined. This is known as ‘ambiguous loss’.

“Ambiguous loss is when there's some degree of lack of clarity about the loss, so it's very hard to manage that grief and come to terms with things,” Dr Blashki continues.

[Migrants] may find their sense of identity has changed. They may find they have a drop in their social status … They also have the challenge of communication — everything from formal language through to understanding everyday banter.

Dr Grant Blashki, Beyond Blue Clinical Lead

The nature of ambiguous loss means emotional closure becomes elusive. Source: Moment RF / Maria Korneeva/Getty Images

Uruguay-born Clinical Psychologist Jorge Aroche, CEO of NSW Service for the Treatment and Rehabilitation of Torture and Trauma Survivors (STARTTS), also believes migratory grief often originates from the combination of both factual and unquantifiable loss.

"We may grieve our friends, our relatives, people that we love, places that we love. And that is a grief about tangible things that we left behind and that we can no longer access."

Credit: Ariel Skelley/Getty Images

"But migratory grief also relates to things that are less tangible, like the loss of identity and status we used to have, either in a formal setting, like work, associated with what you were recognised as in your country, but also the informal status you may have had in your social network."

Mr Aroche says, in some cases, migratory grief relates to the idealisation of what ‘could have been’ if the person had stayed.  

There’s migratory grief about your illusions or fantasies about what you could have achieved or done had you stayed back home.

Jorge Aroche, Clinical Psychologist and STARTTS CEO.

“Many of these things don’t have to be rational, and many people sometimes feel guilty about feeling like this because they can see that, in factual terms, they’re probably better off in their new country,” he adds.

Other issues that often arise include feeling sadness at times of achievement, or being unable to express grief openly due to survivor’s guilt or stigma.  

“[Economic migrants and refugees] may feel guilty about complaining … when relatives, loved ones, are still in back in the country of origin, dealing with much worse, often dangerous situations,” Mr Aroche explains.

However, he warns it’s important for migrants to acknowledge and express their grief, so they can work through it.

Source: Moment RF / Alexander Spatari/Getty Images

Coping mechanisms

India-born R U OK? Think Tank Chair of Conversations Kamal Sharma says when he first arrived in Australia he had trouble understanding where he fit in. With time, he learned how to cope with feelings of displacement by accepting his identity had shifted.

Although Mr Sharma acknowledges the recreation of cultural spaces and mixing with people from your same background can provide a level of comfort and certainty to new migrants, he believes it’s equally important to be open to new people and experiences.

“I think there are positive coping mechanisms, and there are negative copy mechanisms,” he says.

Positive coping mechanisms are about exploring yourself in this new environment. Letting go of things that may not serve you, taking on new ideas and new concepts that help you flourish.

Kamal Sharma Rezilum CEO and R U OK? Chair.

"The negative ones are where you stick to your own group, and therefore you're not challenged; trying to hold on to absolutely everything as it was at that point in time that you left.

"I think it's really critical to challenge yourself with new ideas, discovering who you are, what you are, and really exploring your identity in a different culture."

Credit: Mike Powell/Getty Images

Mental health experts say some migrants experiencing constant feelings of ambivalence can also delay making important life decisions, which may hinder their future stability.

Their lack of support networks often exacerbates feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and irritability.

Mr Sharma, who trained as a monk, says participating in the local culture where you live and finding a way to integrate is a way to overcome these issues. In his case, he did it through involvement in team sports.

But, beyond taking practical steps, such as joining an activity or club, exercising or meditating, there are several more philosophical approaches you can implement, depending on whether you preference Eastern or Western methods.

“The Western literature that I’ve seen is about change management, thriving in change. It’s about making sure that you can adapt to change. And I think that’s to a certain degree a Western construct,” Mr Sharma says.

“What we focus on is impermanence, because change requires you to go from one steady state, it changes to another steady state. Impermanence is about how do you ‘surf’ and take advantage of the ebbs and flows of life. So, for me, flowing through impermanence and accepting impermanence is much more powerful.”

Migratory grief can manifest itself both physically and psychologically. Physical symptoms can include poor sleep, tiredness, and feeling run down. Source: Moment RF / Fiordaliso/Getty Images

Check-in with yourself

Mental health experts recommend checking-in with how you’re feeling regularly to create a sense of self-awareness. If feelings become overwhelming, reach out for help.

“A lot of people who are grieving find they have sort of secondary fallouts sometimes, whether conflict at home, at work, or sometimes alcohol [abuse],” Dr Blashki warns.

Although symptoms of loss in migrants often come and go for many years, prolonged grief that goes unchecked may evolve into serious mental health conditions.

Dr Blashki says the hallmarks of clinical depression include a pervasive sense of hopelessness that goes on for months, and limits the person’s capacity to socialise, work and engage in interpersonal relationships.

“They’re sad, or despondent about everything. There are no ‘rays of light’ anymore; they’re really feeling quite flat.”

Those suffering those acute symptoms should visit their doctor (GP) or call a mental health hotline, such as Lifeline, or Beyond Blue. Source: Moment RF / Fiordaliso/Getty Images

However, mental health experts say there is no simple formula for managing these feelings, and it’s also important to give yourself permission to grieve. Mourning your losses does not equate to weakness or lack of fortitude, and the healing process is personal and complex.

“To a certain degree, any loss is trauma, and trauma can be dealt with in two ways: you can cure the symptoms of trauma, or you can heal the trauma. I would say that we need to both cure the symptoms of migration loss but also heal,” Mr Sharma says.

“The word ‘heal’ means to become whole again, so you start to become whole again in a new environment.

“Let go of the old and give place to the new. Choice is a big part of the healing process,” he concludes.

If you require emotional support, you can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1800 22 46 36.