After fleeing anti-gay persecution in Iran, Bijan found 'freedom' serving a community

Bijan Kardouni fled Iran fearing persecution over his sexuality. After years in limbo, he now calls Australia home, but he says he is reminded daily that his freedom comes at a cost.

Bijan Kardouni, who fled Iran because of his sexual identity, attends the Mardi Gras in Sydney. Credit: Supplied

Key Points

• Bijan Kardouni fled Iran where homosexuality is punishable by death.
• He says Australia offers him a sense of freedom, but he faces reminders of his traumatic experiences.
• This 18-24 June is Refugee Week in Australia and this year’s theme is ‘Finding Freedom’.

Growing up gay in Iran, Bijan Kardouni was gripped by fear.

“Life was always hard for me, but when I reached puberty, I understood that execution was waiting to ambush me,” he told SBS Persian. 

Homosexuality is punishable by death in Iran. Globally, there are 63 other countries that criminalise homosexuality by law.

It was during the 2009-2010 Green Movement, after his then boyfriend's arrest for participating in protests against the regime, that Mr Kardouni received a notice to appear before the revolutionary court.

He was informed that all his messages and calls to his boyfriend had been monitored by the revolutionary guards. 

“After that, I was not the same person, I couldn’t think about staying in Iran,” he said.  

He eventually applied for a PhD in Australia in 2017.

I tried to convince myself that one day I would return. But when the plane crossed Iran's border, I felt a separation from my motherland.

Bijan Kardouni

"As time went by, this feeling grew stronger and stronger, the realisation that I would never see this land again." 

Though Mr Kardouni said he “suffered greatly due to Iran’s homophobic society”, he knew he would miss his family and friends who understood him.

While Mr Kardouni was studying down under, a gay friend of his was arrested by the revolutionary guards at a party after travelling home from the UK to visit his family.

“Several years have passed, and nobody knows what happened to him.”

It was at this point that Mr Kardouni sought asylum in Australia. 

“I cried for 10 days. It felt like losing a loved one. The grief remained within me for several months, and I still feel the pain whenever I think about it. However, I knew that returning was impossible unless there was a change in the Iranian regime.”

Bijan Kardouni at the Mardi Gras in Sydney Credit: Supplied

'Living in fear’

Every year, millions of people like Mr Kardouni are forced to flee their homelands in search of safety.

This 18-24 June is Refugee Week and this year’s theme is ‘Finding Freedom’.

Mammad Aidani is an interdisciplinary scholar specialising in phenomenological hermeneutics philosophy, cultural theory and narrative psychology in the School of Historical and Philosophical Studies at the University of Melbourne.

He has a lived experience of being a refugee and speaks of the traumatic experience of leaving home.

“Saying goodbye [to loved ones] means [the person leaving] loves them, but can’t be around [forever]. As soon as they leave, mother cries, father cries, sister cries, this is where the trauma begins. It’s not like going to a café and then coming back,” he said. 

For Mr Kardouni, who was on a bridging visa for two years, waiting for his claim to be processed was like being “in limbo”.

"It was hard; I didn't know if I would be able to stay, and I was aware that going back was not an option. There was a fear within me.

"During the first seven to eight months, I couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of being sent back to Iran.

I recall waking up in the middle of the night, trembling with fear.

Bijan Kardouni

"I would envision myself being hanged. The terrible image of those gay youths who were executed in Iran remained ingrained in my mind. It felt as though their fate mirrored my own." 

In 2005, Ayaz Marhoni and Mahmoud Asgari were executed after being convicted of a crime involving homosexual intercourse, a heavily debated case which brought international attention to the situation of LGBTQI+ people in Iran.

Reliable statistics about the persecution of Iran's LGBTQI+ community are not available, but last year, two female gay activists were arrested and sentenced to death.

Reza Rostami, who arrived in Australia as an asylum seeker in 2013 and now works as a research associate in psychiatry at UNSW, said living with uncertainty can be debilitating.

"I consider the bridging visa to be the worst visa in the world!" he said. 

Living in limbo can dismantle the personal and social foundations of individuals.

Reza Rostami, research associate in psychiatry at UNSW

"While Australia is regarded as a free country, the Australian government's complex policy towards asylum seekers, subjecting them to prolonged limbo, pushes these individuals into isolation and uncertainty." 

'These things give me strength’

Now an Australian citizen, Mr Kardouni works as a facilitator of a group for LGBTQIA+ refugees at NSW Service for the Treatment and Rehabilitation of Torture and Trauma Survivors (STARTTS).

Bijan Kardouni works at a non-profit, facilitating workshops for newly arrived LGBTQI+ refugees Credit: Supplied

Today he considers Australia home, though he admits it’s a complex relationship.

"There is a certain sadness in my feelings because my roots lie elsewhere. But I have a sense of belonging. When I work or volunteer in this society, I feel like I am serving a community that has granted me the freedom I was seeking." 

He still experiences homophobia in Australia, and this can be triggering.

“The trauma has not faded. Whenever I encounter a homophobic person, my mind flashes back to the interrogation in revolutionary court. All the verbal abuse and humiliation I experienced. It is still with me.”  

Mr Kardouni advocating during Yes Campaign for same-sex marriage Credit: Supplied

Mr Aidani, of the University of Melbourne, said it is difficult for someone to leave their past behind.

"It is impossible for everyone to forget the pain they have experienced and witnessed. How can we expect individuals who have suffered to simply move to a better place and say it's all over? We all have a history, and we cannot deny it." 

Mr Kardouni said misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding refugees do not help.

"There are people here who perceive refugees as privileged individuals who come here to take advantage of this country. We live in a society that stigmatises refugees, labelling them as uneducated, ignorant and lacking skills.

“I faced job rejections due to this stigma, when my only priority was to secure work and rebuild my life from scratch." 

However, today he feels a sense of achievement.

"Going to a café with my boyfriend, spending time together and holding his hand - these are the things that I yearned for in Iran, but now I can have them,” he said.

"Every morning, after waking up, I tell myself that I am free here, and no one can harm me because of my sexual identity. This gives me strength to continue on my path."

This article accompanies ‘Finding Freedom’, SBS Persian’s five-part podcast series released to coincide with Refugee Week, in which Iranian refugees and asylum seekers share their journey and the barriers they continue to face.