Key Points
- Trung Nguyen was urged to marry a woman as a way to cover up his identity.
- Việt Truong’s 80-year-old grandmother was one of the first family members to accept and support the gay couple.
- The men married and built a home in Melbourne.
Trung Nguyen, a student services administrator at a TAFE college in Melbourne, said he learned the importance of honesty and authenticity in love following the breakdown of his parents' marriage when he was a teenager.
He said their separation made him determined to be true to himself and come out as a gay man.
"The lack of honesty between my parents led to the breakdown of their relationship, causing unhappiness within our family for many years," Mr Nguyen said.
"I didn't want any doubts or suspicions among family members. In 2009, I revealed my sexual orientation to my mother (saying) 'I am gay; I am only attracted to men'."
Mr Nguyen said his mother's initial reaction was to collapse with shock. He said she then urged him to conceal his true sexuality and marry a woman from his social circle.
Urged to marry a woman
According to Mr Nguyen, he then explained to his mother that marrying a woman would only lead to unhappiness and an inevitable relationship breakdown, just as his father's actions had caused suffering for his mother.
"I realised that if I were to marry a woman, I would be unable to provide genuine happiness, ultimately leading to a broken relationship and severe emotional consequences. I didn't want other women to endure the same suffering my mother experienced," he said.
I want everyone, including myself, to find happiness, which is why I have chosen to build a life with a man.Trung Nguyen
The men's families consider each other as family members even though Mr Nguyen and Mr Truong have not had an official engagement or wedding in Vietnam.
However, working in international organisations in Vietnam and abroad gave him a sense of belonging and acceptance. When he came to Australia in 2016, he said he found a place where he could build a life without stigma and prejudice, although he acknowledged that some unfriendly faces still existed.
'My father didn't accept me having a boyfriend'
Việt Truong, an architect, was born in Vietnam and studied in Singapore before migrating to Australia.
While in Singapore, Mr Truong's sister learned about his sexual orientation when he shared a previous relationship with her. Although concerned about the challenges he might face in a less-accepting society, she offered him support and reassurance.
When he returned to Vietnam in 2014 and met Mr Nguyen, he said he felt compelled to share the truth with his father.
"I returned to Vietnam for a six-month visit at the end of 2014 after working in Singapore for a while. During that time, I met Trung, fell madly in love with him and planned to (elope with) him to Australia," he said.
However, he said his father initially refused to accept Mr Nguyen as his boyfriend, choosing to view him as just a friend.
In Vietnamese society, men are highly regarded as the head of the family and are expected to carry on the family lineage. Therefore, when the only son shows affection for another man, it is considered a shameful act for the family.
This rejection created a barrier in their relationship.
"He said, 'I consider him a friend. You can hang out, come home, eat as usual, but I don't accept him as your boyfriend'," Mr Truong said.
Married couple, Mr Nguyen and Mr Truong, now call Australia home.
Grandma becomes first ally
The couple said a highlight of their love story was the compassionate acceptance they had received from Mr Truong's 80-year-old grandmother, Dinh Tran.
Ms Tran was the first to embrace Mr Nguyen as her grandson-in-law from the early days of their relationship, they said. Her unconditional acceptance was a sweet surprise for both of them.
"She is very different. Ten years ago, when Vietnamese society was still very conservative, I used to visit Việt's house, have dinner, cook, and chat with his grandmother," Mr Nguyen said.
One time, when Việt and I returned from a trip and stepped into the house, his grandmother rushed over, held my cheeks, shook them, and said, 'Oh, my grandson-in-law is home!'Trung Nguyen
Mr Truong shared that when he began receiving support from his grandmother, with encouragement from his mother, his father started to change his mindset.
The couple enjoyed getting together with family for Lunar New Year 2023.
Mr Nguyen said he had received immense support from his mother-in-law, who was a progressive and inclusive individual.
Mr Nguyen and Mr Truong with their grandmother, Dinh Tran (left), and Mr Truong's parents, Thanh and Nhi (right).
A new country and a 'rainbow' wedding
The year 2018 marked a significant moment as Australia officially legalised same-sex marriage. Mr Nguyen and Mr Truong celebrated the breakthrough with a small wedding ceremony, surrounded by their friends and the presence of Mr Truong's parents - mother Nhi and father Thanh.
However, there was some sadness when Mr Nguyen's mother, Hoa, expressed her reluctance to attend the wedding.
"I understand that there are many barriers for mum to accept this reality," Mr Nguyen said.
The couple say that to find happiness, you can't just rely on luck, you also have to fight for it.
My mother doesn't force me to do this or that, so why would I force her (to accept my orientation)? People will accept when they see me happy.Trung Nguyễn
The couple now take both sets of parents on trips together.
A new chapter
Mr Truong and Mr Nguyen said they were excited about moving into their newly built home and embarking on a new chapter in their lives.
Mr Nguyen said that achieving happiness together was not just about luck, it was about fighting for oneself.
"I am fortunate to have the support of my family. But I see it from a different perspective. Why not stand up for the person you marry, (and) for yourself?" he said.
They said their lives in Australia were simple, happy and as ordinary as any other family.
Mr Truong and Mr Nguyen are excited about moving into their newly built house.
June is Pride Month. It commemorates the birth of the global liberation movement for LGBTIQ+ equality.
