Key Points
- Experts say it's important to acknowledge it's difficult for children to come out.
- Parents and adults should also seek support on how to navigate these conversations.
- June marks Pride Month globally.
This article contains references to suicide/self-harm.
Katherine Wolfgramme never felt supported growing up as a trans child five decades ago.
Before she transitioned over 30 years ago in Melbourne, she says it was a “very different time” back then.
“I can really understand why the suicide rate back in those days was so high,” Ms Wolfgramme told SBS News.
“There was no support for the child, because there was no support from the parents — the parents did not have (or) were not equipped with the knowledge or the resources to understand what they were going through.”
Now a trans educator and activist, she believes parental education and support are key to maintaining the mental health of gender-diverse Australians.
With June marking Pride Month globally, many people may be feeling ready to come out amid conversations around LGBTIQ+ history and identity.
Parents and adults can feel unprepared for this moment and what comes after, but it’s an opportunity for important conversations and connections, says Ms Wolfgramme.
Trans educator and activist Katherine Wolfgramme told SBS News "as long as your child feels loved, at home, and protected, then as a parent, you are doing exactly the right thing." Source: Supplied
But it’s important to realise you’re not alone, Ms Wolfgramme says.
“That feeling that you're the only family experiencing this is quite normal because you do feel like you're the only family in the world with a child coming out.”
Why it's important to seek support from other families
Ms Wolfgramme believes peer support was empowering and comforting.
“As a parent if you're not gay or trans, you don't know exactly how to approach it," she said.
"And so aside from online resources, the most powerful support you can receive is from other parents that are going through the same experience.”
Parents must listen and let the child lead
Dr Helen Morgan, a registered and practising psychologist, has developed resources for parents based on extensive research around gender diverse kids.
She said it’s okay for parents to acknowledge that they may have strong negative feelings such as confusion or disbelief, but they should allow time for the news to sink in and attempt to resume the conversation when they feel ready.
“We know that the very first step that's really helpful, is to thank them for sharing with you, and tell them how much you love them, something like, 'I love you, and I'm here for you'," she told SBS News.
Another important step was to "really" listen, even if it feels uncomfortable.
"We know that some parents struggle, in terms of their initial reactions to this news, once their child comes out to them, and that's okay.”
When it comes to telling other people and having follow-up conversations, many experts agree it’s important to go at the child’s pace.
“We always talk about following the child's lead, in terms of how you proceed forward with your child's gender identity journey, and just be led by them on who they want to tell,” Dr Morgan said.
Dr Morgan said in the beginning, it's best not to ask too many questions about their plans or their feelings about their gender identity.
She suggested one could ask a child if there were particular pronouns or a different name they'd like you to use.
“The child might not know yet, but yet, nevertheless, you're showing your support by asking and they learn that in the future they can tell you things," she said.
“What we know is that strong parental support is the biggest protective factor for supporting children's mental health and well-being.”
Practical steps parents could take include finding reliable sources of information online from queer-led organisations, seeking out support groups including faith and culturally-focused groups, and speaking to a child's school if necessary.
Ms Wolfgramme said the queer community in Australia was going through a hard time at the moment with anti-trans rallies being held.
“Ask (children) how they're going, how's their day and find out if they're being bullied in school or in the playground, because that tends to happen with these terrible things happen around the country.”
in March, performing Nazi salutes on the steps of Victorian parliament.
Drag performers in Australia such as Dolly Diamond have become the targets of "amplified hate" campaigns.
"It looks like drag is this season's lipstick-wearing piñata, and the blindfold is off, and it's really really upsetting,” .
Readers seeking crisis support can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 and Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 (for young people aged up to 25). More information and support with mental health is available at and on 1300 22 4636.
supports people from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds.
LGBTIQ+ Australians seeking support with mental health can contact QLife on 1800 184 527 or visit . also has a list of support services.
