Why this mum doesn't buy her children Christmas presents

Christmas can be an expensive and extravagant time of the year but some Australians are doing things differently.

A woman with her children wearing Christmas shirts and reindeer party hats

Cheryln Sue with her two children. Source: Supplied / Cheryln Sue

Cheryln Sue's Christmas tree is already up and her children will get a photo with Santa, but unlike many Australians, the children won't be receiving any presents from her or Santa.

The 39-year-old mother-of-two is just one parent who is trying to do Christmas differently, even if it "sounds horrible" to others, she says.

Cheryln has never bought a Christmas or birthday present for her four-year-old son or two-year-old daughter and doesn't think other families should feel pressure to either. She prefers instead to focus on providing her children with experiences.

"They don't need something to open on the day, they are excited with life, they're excited with the prospect of having fish and chips on the beach later that afternoon on Christmas Day, for instance," she says.

"They understand that they don't need things, they want to get out of the house, they want to see people, they want to play with people, they want to make new friends, that's what drives them right now, so how is that a bad thing?"
A woman holding a baby in her arms and cuddling her son in front of some Christmas trees
Cheryln Sue with her two children. Source: Supplied
Cheryln lives on Sydney's north shore and says she is acutely aware that she is in a fortunate position that allows her the privilege of deciding what she spends her money on. Her family is not struggling financially and her children already have plenty of toys already, so her decision not to buy presents is not about saving money.

"I'm an only child, I grew up in Singapore so you can imagine how privileged life was, and still is," she says.

"I know how lucky I am so it is actually quite a turn that I've decided to go this way with my kids."

"We also are very aware that in this area, there is a lot of competition ... I didn't want [the children] to buy into any of that competition because it's so materialistic and you're always going to get somebody who is going to have more than you, who is going to spend more than you, and then the people who have less than you, then get forgotten."

Her stance though, has perplexed her family and friends.
"Even my parents are like: 'why are you doing this? What are you doing?'"

"The word Grinch is being thrown around over Christmas time and I will be happy to cop it on the chin because I understand that our way of thinking is not for everyone."

But, she says, they respect her decision.

"My mother is like, 'oh wow, I don't think we necessarily raised you with those values but that is great that you picked it up along the way.'"

"I just think it's so important that in a society that is increasingly materialistic that we hold on to the little things ... and just that gratefulness that we get to experience life - there's so much to experience and you don't need toys for it."
Instead of presents at Christmas and birthdays, Cheryln says she treats her children to their favourite food as well as adventures. Her family is scattered around Australia, New Zealand and Asia.

If family and friends insist on buying things for her children she suggests things like paying towards jujitsu classes or a zoo pass instead of toys.

"There are so many experiences, it does not need to be stuff."
There are so many experiences, it does not need to be stuff.
And while her children believe in Santa, Cheryln says she has explained to them he is helping others.

"We've explained that Santa is super busy and he does like giving presents to kids, but because you're a kid that has got lots and you've got everything you need, that Santa does need to concentrate on some of the kids who maybe don't have as much."
Parents and two children pose with Santa
Cheryln Sue's children believe in Santa but don't ask him for gifts. Source: Supplied
Cheryln says she had a proud mummy moment last Christmas ago when her son asked Santa at the local shopping centre to drop in and play with him at Christmas, rather than bring him presents.

"I suppose we reinforce that giving spirit, which is what I believe Christmas needs to be about, and not just giving materialistically - giving our time, giving our effort," she says.
We reinforce that giving spirit ... giving our time, giving our effort.
Last year her son also chose to give a Christmas stocking he received full of chocolate to a homeless man, who he had questioned his mother about months earlier.

"He was super concerned, he was like 'so they don't have any treats? they don't have any snacks?' ... A three-year-old's biggest concern is where their snacks are coming from."

"As a three-year-old, he decided he wanted to part with his present and I just followed his lead."

She later took her son with her buy to food to donate to the Salvation Army.

"He was so happy," she says.
A happy young boy hands over a bag full of groceries to a woman
Cheryln's son handing over a bag of groceries to the Salvation Army. Source: Supplied
Cheryln says she's not against presents but if her children do end up with toys from other people they will donate one of their old toys to charity "so that they can make sure that their old toys are going to a child that needs it more".

"It needs to be a circular economy, even within our home."

Meagan's children get second-hand toys

Meagan Le Coq is another mother who is doing Christmas her own way. The 37-year-old, who lives in the same part of Sydney as Cheryln, buys secondhand toys for her children aged 11 and seven.

"I started doing it primarily because I was noticing that the kids would play with something for a couple of months and then very quickly lose interest in it," she says.

"I just decided that it was really quite expensive to constantly be buying new gifts, and when they were done playing with it, it was still in almost new condition anyway."

"So I just figured that it was probably something happening in other households as well, and that's exactly what I found when I was looking for secondhand items, they were in almost new condition."
A woman dressed in Christmas dress wears a Santa hat with the words 'Mommy Elf' on it, with her arms around her children.
Meagan Le Coq with her two children. Source: Supplied
Meagan says she tells her children that Santa is worried about the state of the world and the environment, and is trying to do his bit to help when he can by recycling gifts that are in good condition.

"We just say that you may be getting a gift that is secondhand because if Santa receives something in return that you've asked for, instead of making a new toy and putting it in more packaging, if that toy is in good condition, he's happy for you to be the second person to play with it."
Her children don't mind that the gifts are not new, she says.

"They've never asked me: 'why is this not in its original box?' ... For them it's just the joy of receiving something they have asked for."
A family of four pose with Santa on the beach
Meagan Le Coq poses with Santa along with her husband and two children. Source: Supplied
Meagan also goes through the toys with her children at the end of the year to select items to put into a bag for Santa to take back and recycle for others.

She says she is also motivated about not adding to unnecessary waste.

"When you see the council cleanup, there are so many new toys that are left behind there that people could put onto [Facebook] Marketplace for someone else to enjoy."

"There's so much life left in those toys still and it's just going to landfill and adding to waste."

Children are okay with different approaches

Pedagogical national lead Meg Parnell of Goodstart Early Learning child care centres says children are on board with a range of different approaches to Christmas celebrations.

"They understand way more than we give them credit for at a very young age," she says.

"They have the capability of making decisions, not only in their own best interest but in the best interest of others."

She says Cheryln and Meagan have taken an ethical or philosophical approach to celebrations and they are now sharing those with their children.

"Their children are on board and they've explained it in an age-appropriate way, and children are certainly capable of engaging in those sorts of ethical and moral debates when you present information at a developmentally appropriate level."
Little boy opening Christmas present in front of a Christmas tree
Children can cope with different approaches to Christmas. Source: Getty / Miguel Sanz
Ms Parnell says what children want and need are two different things.

"What children need from us is time. They need a significant other in their life with a strong attachment that provides them with a secure base. An engaged and interested adult who talks with them, who loves them, who cares for them.

"Beyond those basic needs, everything else is up to a family, personally."
Ms Parnell says having a different practice around Christmas is also an opportunity to teach children how to embrace diversity.

"The key when judgement arises is just to teach children how to navigate that, that that's one person's way of seeing things, and our way, is not the right way either, it's just the way that works for us."

"We owe children those conversations to help them unpack and navigate some of the emotional and social pressures that they might experience around family decisions."

Ms Parnell says a lot of parents put pressure on themselves to do things a certain way, especially around Christmas time. A found one in seven Australians are worried about their children missing out on Christmas presents this year due to rising cost of living pressures.
Ms Parnell says there are ways parents can relieve the stress.

"There are many charitable organisations who support families, and they should never be afraid to reach out."

"Also, just to talk to children about the things they do have, those practices of gratitude, not comparing to others, I think is important."

She says families shouldn't dwell on what they can't do for their children or even tell their children they can't afford to do Christmas.

"I think it's important to focus on 'this is what we can do, this is what we do in our family, and this is what we are grateful for.'"

"Knowing that the relationship that you have with them and the fact that you're there for them, and that you care for them, is really what children need, so don't beat yourself up."

Would you like to share your story with SBS News? Email

Share
10 min read
Published 10 December 2022 7:24am
By Charis Chang
Source: SBS News



Share this with family and friends