Insight hosts a frank and honest discussion with those who are bucking social norms and experiencing a midlife reawakening of their sexuality. Watch Tuesday, from 8:30pm on SBS or SBS On Demand.
Stream free On Demand
Mid-Life Sexual Awakenings
episode • Insight • news and current affairs • 52m
episode • Insight • news and current affairs • 52m
Is it just me? I’m 50 and very well satisfied with my ‘friends with benefits’ lifestyle, and have no interest in a long-term monogamous relationship.
As a mother of three children, a business owner, a writer and a part-time actor. I already have a lot of responsibility in my life. Adding a partner to that holds absolutely no interest to me. All I see is more work for very little reward.
I don’t go without intimacy. In fact, I’m experiencing more intimacy than I ever have before in my life. Friends with benefits really do provide me with a plethora of benefits.
Kate was married for 25 years and had only slept with one man. Credit: Ksenia Belova
The man I was married to for 25 years drained the energy and love from me as I took on the responsibility of project managing our entire lives, and when I was physically and emotionally exhausted, decided he’d like to upgrade to a younger model.
Whenever anyone asks me, “do you think you’ll ever get married again?”, my answer is an emphatic no. But nobody, and I mean nobody, actually accepts that as my ‘true’ answer. The replies are as repetitive as they are certain, “the right man is out there for you”, “you’ll change your mind someday”, “you don’t want to be old and alone.”
I’m experiencing more intimacy than I ever have before in my life.Kate
Frankly, I find the unsolicited advice and sympathy patronising and somewhat delusional.
Having a partner doesn’t guarantee anything. Affairs happen every day, people leave every day. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you’re supported as a person, or not lonely. In a lot of marriages, I see the intertwinement of a committed life as handcuffs holding two strangers together rather than a real, deep connection of two souls.
People automatically assume sex without commitment isn’t sensual, loving or able to create a connection. But it can be. I’ve looked deep into my lover’s eyes as he pleasures me. I’ve grasped hold of a lover’s hands, fingers interlocking, our grip getting tighter and tighter as we go over the edge together. I’ve had warm, slow Sunday afternoon sex with a man I’ve just met. I’ve chatted with a lover on my balcony over strong gin and tonics, eating almonds, and sharing stories of our week.
Friends with benefits really do provide me with a plethora of benefits.Kate
Our society labels single people as alone and therefore lonely. Yet I feel much more connected to the people in my life now I’m single. My best friendships have deepened. Those that didn’t, have gone. My connection to my children is deeper than ever as they grow into adults. The men I sleep with are my friends. Whether a single interlude or much longer, I enjoy my time with them and have got to know some wonderful people.
Yes, there have been those that weren’t so great, but percentage-wise I’m batting a high average.
Is it just me? Am I the only one living my best life with deep connections but not the monogamous, conventional one society demands?
