Robbie always enjoyed spending time alone.
“I remember my mother telling me that I used to spend hours playing with dolls on my own.”
As an adult, she started to feel lonely after a long-term relationship broke up.
“I was searching for ‘the one’. I became quite disappointed, disillusioned, and became very depressed,” she said.
Robbie was diagnosed with anticipatory grief. She went to therapy and started to meditate in order to work through her sense of loneliness
“The most important thing I did though, was start to meditate,” said Robbie.
“I learned to love myself.
“Once I learned the skills and learned to love myself and was able to look into the mirror and say ‘Robbie, I love you with all my quirks and flaws’, then the need that I felt to find a loving partner just dissipated.”
Loneliness in Australia
More and more Australians are living by themselves. In 2021, one in four households had a lone occupant, a number that's projected to steadily increase.
Clinical psychologist Michelle Lim says huge numbers of Australians are lonely.
"We do know that before the COVID-19 pandemic, about one-in-four Australians reported problematic levels of loneliness. Post-COVID, those estimates are a little bit higher, so anywhere from one in two to one in three Australians."
Robbie celebrating her commitment to herself.
“It was a celebration for me of finding myself. I'm just so happy and fulfilled.”
I learned to love myself.Robbie
Sologomy, or the practice of marrying someone to themselves, is not legally binding but rather a symbolic act.
“[I made] a commitment to my own self-care and happiness.”
Different cultures and loneliness
Michelle Lim says people from other cultures are more likely to feel lonely, even if they speak the same language.
"There's cultural nuances and you're trying to navigate that.
"That in itself is a social challenge," said Ms Lim.
Stigma, and simply finding access to mental health support, are serious barriers for lonely people, she adds.
“For some reason, there's a cultural kind of misunderstanding and a lens over it, where we're not allowed to be lonely."
Lehan says their family didn't take mental health concerns seriously. Source: Supplied
“I always felt like the odd one out. I also stood out being the only Asian person there,” Lehan told Insight.
Lehan later moved to a new city for university, shared a house with strangers and found it hard to make friends.
“It got to a point where I just couldn't handle it on my own anymore,” they said.
It was at this lowest point that Lehan finally sought help, and was diagnosed with social anxiety, ADHD and autism.
I always felt like the odd one out.Lehan
Coming from a Chinese-Australian background, they say they didn’t seek support because of cultural stigma.
“My parents ... didn't get much education on mental health.
“They originally thought it was a joke.”
Getting the right help
According to Ms Lim, getting support for loneliness before things get worse is key.
“We need to change the way we talk about loneliness so that people can actually get help early,” she said.
“It's when we don't get help early that we get into problems.”
After receiving their diagnoses, Lehan decided to have therapy, which gave them the confidence to take control of their life, find a course they were passionate about and take up hobbies where they had the chance to make meaningful connections.
They are also working with their parents to break down some of those cultural misunderstandings.
“That's something that I've definitely had to work on over time to get them to understand,” they said.
“It's gotten to a point where they've acknowledged that, yes, mental health is real.”
