Jasper met his partner in virtual reality. Is this the future of dating?

As virtual reality gains popularity, people are falling in love and building lives together, with some never actually meeting in person. But are there dangers?

Jasper met his partner on a virtual reality platform called VRChat. Source: SBS

This story contains reference to sexual assault

Jasper Wannajaroen first bumped into his partner the same way many of us do: through a group of mutual friends.

Only instead of the setting being a pub or dinner party, it was in virtual reality.

As they began chatting online about their shared interests, including Nintendo games, music production and 3D animation, Jasper felt a connection starting to grow.

“We both really liked each other…[and] had a genuine connection,” Jasper told The Feed.

After a few weeks of interacting with each other through their virtual avatars, Aidan asked Jasper out on a date.

Aidan (left) and Jasper (right) fell in love while interacting with each other in virtual avatar form. Source: Supplied

"I was really surprised when he said yes...I felt a spark and I say, 'Okay, I believe this might actually work'," Aidan recalled.

Jasper, aged 18, and Aidan, 20, are now in a relationship. They sometimes meet in person - but living 80km apart and juggling busy schedules means the couple spends far more time together in VR.

They’re able to go on dates, hang out - even kiss and cuddle in virtual worlds.

“The whole relationship has been the best,” Jasper said.

“I wouldn't have met Aidan if it wasn't all for VR…that’s the most powerful thing about our relationship.”

How does dating in VR work?

Kate Clark, a VR researcher at Monash University, said romantic relationships have occurred in virtual spaces for as long as they’ve existed – including in online games.

“World of Warcraft is a really famous example where people have a lot of romantic relationships - there have been weddings inside World of Warcraft,” she said.

Virtual reality – sometimes labelled as the buzzy-sounding “metaverse” – offers a far more immersive, three-dimensional dating experience.

Jasper and Aidan met on a social VR platform called VRChat, but there are many others, including Horizon Worlds, operated by Meta, Sansar and NeosVR.

Jasper (left) and Aidan have met in person and are officially dating. Source: Supplied

Thousands of worlds are accessible through special equipment such as headsets and body trackers that mimic your body language and aim to trick your brain into thinking it’s in a physical reality.

You can socialise with people in avatar form and even simulate typical date activities, like going on a virtual museum tour, attending a Phoebe Bridgers concert, painting or visiting a nightclub.

Jasper said his VR dates with Aidan usually involve playing a game together, watching a movie or simply just hanging out in virtual worlds.

“You can go mini-golfing in VR…you can make coffees in VR. There's many different things you can do,” he explained.

VR nightclubs are popular spots for socialising, like Loner, which also operates real-life events in Melbourne. Source: YouTube / The Virtual Reality Show

One well-known VR nightclub is Loner, which also runs real-life clubbing events in Melbourne. During COVID-19 lockdowns, Loner moved its shows onto VRChat, where they've gained a cult following.

Ms Clark said VR relationships are only just starting to happen, as the technology is still expensive and not yet widespread in Australia. To get the full immersive experience, you'll need to own a VR headset, with most costing upwards of $600.

“I imagine once the technology becomes more accessible…there will be an increase in romantic relationships in virtual reality environments,” she said.

“Virtual reality will essentially become part of the collection of technologies we use in dating...like dating apps and social media.”

Kate Clark is researching VR at Monash University. Source: SBS

Can you be physically intimate in VR?

Kissing, cuddling and even having sex are all possible in virtual reality. Many users report feeling physical sensations when their avatars are touched in VR, even though their partners may be on the other side of the world. And it’s got nothing to do with the hardware they’re using.

“I can actually feel very much anything in VR,” Jasper said.

“Kissing in VR definitely does feel like a natural kiss…I've developed that with Aidan definitely, he always hugs me and we both kiss.”

Left: Aidan (left) and Jasper's (right) virtual avatars embracing in VR. Right: Jasper miming the embrace in real life. Source: SBS

Ms Clark said it’s thanks to a psychological phenomenon known as phantom sense.

“Phantom senses are actually quite similar to something like a phantom limb…because that limb that was amputated…was a part of you and who you are and how you move throughout the world,” she said.

“People can get that same sort of feeling from their avatars, essentially.”

However, Ms Clark said the feeling is a separate experience from being touched in real life.

“Even though you feel a physical sensation, it's not necessarily indistinguishable from a physical sensation in real life.”

Aidan used to feel phantom sense, but eventually lost it as he spent more time in VR.

"It doesn't bother me that Jasper feels phantom sense [more] than me, because it makes me happy that he's happy to feel that with me," he said.

VR is set to become even more realistic, with hardware companies developing technologies such as haptic suits. These full-body suits provide users with physical sensations using electrical vibrations.

Meanwhile, virtual sex encounters are being made possible with teledildonics.

Tech companies are developing haptic suits like this one by bHaptics, which enables users to feel touch in VR. Source: Getty / Alex Wong

What are the risks of dating in VR?

Australia’s eSafety commissioner Julie Inman Grant is urging caution to those seeking love in virtual reality.

“Online dating services help millions of Australian adults find that romantic needle in a haystack and explore compatibility like never before,” Ms Inman Grant told The Feed.

“But as with all online platforms which enable strangers to meet and communicate online, dangers do remain, particularly for women.”

She said the risks of online dating may intensify in virtual environments.

“We’ve been warning of the possibility of virtual sexual assault in immersive environments for some time, and we are aware of reports of these types of assaults overseas.”

Ms Clark said sexual assault in VR is as prevalent as sexual assault in real life.

"One of the earliest cases was in 2016, where a woman was groped. There was a case just last year with Meta's Horizon Worlds where a researcher was sexually assaulted while she was in one of the metaverse spaces," she said.

The digital watchdog has regulatory powers that cover early ‘metaverse’ services such as Horizon Worlds, VRChat, Roblox and Fortnite.

Ms Inman Grant said regulation is being actively considered to keep users safe, as immersive technologies become more accessible.

“Our advice for people using immersive online environments for the purpose of online dating is the same as we give to those using more typical online dating apps and services: Don’t use your real name, take the time to get to know the person you are talking to, and only add them as a friend on social media when you really trust them.

“If you do decide to meet in person, meet in a public place and tell a friend where you are going. And most importantly trust your gut – if the situation doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.”

If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.