How I am finding my feet after a maternity leave redundancy

I have passed the hurdles of birth trauma, sleep deprivation, mastitis, loss of identity and toddler tantrums. Every time, I was overwhelmed with, “How will I do this?” Every time, I emerged stronger than before.

"I had to fight for my job with no sleep and vomit in my hair. I was not even halfway into my 12 months of approved leave." Source: Getty Images/Sujin Jetkasettakorn

I was five months into maternity leave when my boss wanted to meet me urgently and on camera. Until then, we had kept in touch via casual texts and phone calls. It had never been anything I couldn’t manage while pushing my pram around, so a sit-down meeting felt like something was off. What could be so important that needed my undivided attention?

“Maybe they are making me redundant,” I said to my partner that night. I was joking. Surely not. Could they even do that to someone on mat leave?

As it turned out, they could and they did.

The news, in a nutshell, was that there was going to be a restructure. My role would be redundant and I would need to apply for the new roles in the new structure. The process would start in the weeks after our video call. If successful, I would return to a new role at the end of my leave. If not, I would be redeployed or I could take a redundancy.

Redundant is such an ugly word. I fought back visions of being no longer needed or useful

He stressed this was not a reflection of my performance and that the aim wasn’t for me to leave the business. But he gave me the redundancy letter with the payout estimate so I could understand all my options.

As he continued with the spiel on support services and next steps, I kept my emotions at bay. It wasn’t the conversation I was expecting and I felt foolish for thinking it could have been anything else. I felt isolated and disconnected. Did work change so much in the last five months? Should I have seen this coming? Was I really redundant?

Redundant is such an ugly word. I fought back visions of being no longer needed or useful.

In the long and monotonous days at home with a baby, confidence levels can take a real hit. My partner was out winning the bread while I alternated between pureeing pumpkin and wiping it off the floor.

Now, I had to fight for my job with no sleep and vomit in my hair. I was not even halfway into my 12 months of approved leave. Returning to work and what that would look like had not been on my mind.

I did a quick search on my employer’s obligations and responsibilities. It seemed that mat leave redundancies were ill-practice but not illegal.

I called my HR friend. She said once I got past the shock, anger and sadness – all feelings resulting from the loss of control (“I was being made redundant!”) and managing uncertainty (“What will I do now?”), I would see this as an opportunity to refresh and reset.

When I delved into self-doubt, she stopped me immediately. My friend reminded me of my professional achievements, work history and experience, industry awards and extensive network. She said the post-pandemic labour market was strong and that there had never been a better time to look for a job.

My friend reminded me of my professional achievements, work history and experience, industry awards and extensive network

I thanked her for her encouragement but I did not feel much better. Then, she asked me how I was doing, personally.

Five months ago, I was gravely unwell. I had a rare pregnancy condition that was shutting down my liver and kidneys. I was rushed to hospital where I delivered my baby, prematurely via emergency caesarean under a general anaesthetic. I spent two hours in surgery, two nights in ICU (separated from my baby) and another five nights in the wards.

My recovery included painkillers, antibiotics, blood pressure medication and blood thinners (which was a needle to the tummy every day for six weeks). I also had appointments with a haematologist, psychologist and physiotherapist.

Yet by day two, I was expressing colostrum. By day three, I was pumping and breastfeeding. On return home on day eight, I was caring for my newborn while also mothering my toddler firstborn, who had already been without her mum for two weeks.

It will be the resilience built from early parenting that will give me the confidence to find my feet again and move forward

On reflection, I was reminded of the challenges I had already overcome as a mum, not just from the recent trauma of birth, but also from the shock of becoming a first-time mum three years ago. Since then, I have passed the hurdles of sleep deprivation, mastitis, loss of identity and subsequent toddler tantrums, then working from home (pregnant) with said screaming toddler during Melbourne’s six COVID lockdowns.

Every time, I was overwhelmed with, “How will I do this?” Every time I did it, emerging stronger than before.

Suddenly, I saw my mat leave redundancy as another setback on my path as a mother and one that seemed to pale in comparison to everything else that came before it.

I wasn’t ready to apply for any job. I wasn’t ready to go back to work.

But when I am, I won’t be resting on my professional laurels to get me back to (paid) work. I will be drawing on the lessons learnt from motherhood. It will be the resilience built from early parenting that will give me the confidence to find my feet again and move forward – on my own terms.