Lunar New Year comedy roast

These Asian-Australian comedians weigh in on what Lunar New Year means to them – from red-envelope racketeering to regurgitation.

Asian-Australian comedians weigh in on what Lunar New Year means to them. Source: Supplied/Getty Images (composite)

Lunar New Year isn’t just about Chinese New Year. Yet Chinese New Year is also known as Lunar New Year. Make sense? Well, the confusion doesn’t stop here. Chinese New Year (春节/春節) literally translates to “spring festival”, even though spring starts in September here in Australia.

Originally meant to celebrate seasonal abundance, it’s now also a celebration of how much weight you have to lose and/or gain, depending on which older relative you are speaking to. The festive period lasts two weeks, which means it’s a holiday that comes in bulk and therefore very economical. No wonder my parents love it.

The term “lunar new year” is used because not all cultures party according to the Gregorian calendar. Some of us eat huge meals and have public holidays based on the moon’s movements: Korean Seollal and Vietnamese Tết, to name two.

Personally, I have only ever experienced the Chinese version. Thankfully, I found some Asian-Australian comedians who are better informed to complain about their respective traditions. Let’s hear from them.

Hacks for living your best Lunar New Year life

By Christina Zheng

Comedian Christina Zheng. Source: Supplied

Growing up in a first-generation Chinese-Australian migrant household, Lunar New Year was a heady mix of dos and don’ts. My parents religiously followed superstitious rules for fear of inviting ailment, poverty and bad luck in the following year.

Superstitions such as, “Don’t eat porridge or you’ll be poor,” and word play such as, “Don’t give a clock as a present, because the word clock in Chinese sounds like death.” I always did as I was told, but never fully leaned into these traditions until I realised I could use them to my benefit. These days, I follow those rules to #livemybestlife.

Celebrate being a slob

There are quite a few Lunar New Year traditions that outright encourage poor personal hygiene in order to maximise wealth. These include: “Don’t wash your hair or you’ll wash away good luck”, “Don’t sweep, clean or take out the garbage because you’ll sweep away your wealth” and “Don’t wash your clothes because (altogether now) you’ll pour away your good fortune”. Guess I’ll be spending Lunar New Year on the couch with my hair in a messy bun, wearing my mustard-smeared tracksuit pants knowing that as a result, future me will definitely get that promotion.

There are a few Lunar New Year traditions that outright encourage poor personal hygiene to maximise wealth

Be single, collect $200

The annual cash giveaway that is the red packet is arguably the most beloved Lunar New Year tradition – but did you know there is a fine print? You are a recipient only if you’re a child or unmarried, otherwise you have to give red packets. I guess it’s the spinster life for me, baby! My family can look at me disapprovingly all they want, as long as they hand over the cash.

Enable my (hypothetical) offspring to #livetheirbestlife

The goat is considered the unluckiest of the Chinese zodiacs, and this has a real societal impact – birth rates of Chinese children are particularly low during the Year of the Goat.

Guess who’s DEFINITELY having their child in the Year of the Goat? Me. Less competition for selective schools and graduate jobs? Sign me up! My kid will be the goat (in a small pond).

Christina Zheng is a comedian and woman-child who is over-achieving at failing adulthood.

Lunar New Year: Myths vs. reality

By Chris Nguyen

Comedian Chris Nguyen. Source: Supplied

Myth

It’s tradition to give “lucky money” in beautiful red envelopes to family and friends.

Reality

Isn’t all money considered “lucky money”? Whoever’s heard of “unlucky money”? If anyone has unlucky money, please send it my way. Forget the red envelope, an unmarked suitcase will do just fine.

Myth

Don’t eat porridge for breakfast, otherwise you’ll become poor in the upcoming year.

Reality

Newsflash. If you’re eating porridge at all, things probably aren’t going too well for you. Regardless of whether it’s Lunar New Year.

Myth

Don’t give certain gifts, like clocks, scissors and pears as they have bad meanings and bring bad luck in Chinese-speaking culture.

Reality

Giving anyone scissors, a clock or pears as a gift isn’t “bad luck”. In the West we just call it “being cheap”. It’s the Chinese equivalent of getting tube socks for Christmas.

Giving anyone scissors, a clock or pears as a gift isn’t “bad luck”. In the west we just call it “being cheap”

Myth

A married daughter is not allowed to visit the house of her parents on Lunar New Year’s Day.

Reality

This one I agree with. Who wants to spend the holidays with their in-laws? Am I right?

Myth

No killing. Killing should be avoided from the first to fifteenth day of the Lunar New Year, as blood is considered an ill omen, which will cause misfortunes.

Reality

Just more traditions and rules that get in the way of good clean fun. I thought red was considered a lucky colour? But to be on the safe side, best to avoid murder any time of the year. 

Chris Nguyen is an award-nominated Vietnamese-Australian comedian and writer. As a PoC (Person of Comedy), he is passionate about bringing a diverse voice to the comedy scene. Find him on Instagram and Facebook.

Twisted tteokguk logic on Seollal (Korean New Year)

By Harry Jun

Comedian Harry Jun. Source: Supplied

Every year, Koreans celebrate Seollal (Lunar New Year), a beautiful day full of festive cheer and group eating. Since it’s tracked by the lunar calendar, not the Gregorian one, the date changes every year. If your parents are old-school like mine, they’ll also track their birthdays using the lunar calendar, which means that every year, I feel like an awful son because I forget their birthdays. Because it changes every year. I wouldn’t have a problem with it, except they also celebrate their birthdays on the Gregorian calendar, too. My parents are 142 years old, I guess.

One fun custom during Seollal is eating tteokguk. It’s a delicious beef broth served with sliced rice cakes, eggs, shallots, beef and roasted seaweed. Koreans believe that during Seollal, once you finish eating your tteokguk, you turn one year older. Some of my relatives refuse to eat tteokguk during Seollal in an attempt to preserve their age. “I won’t get older if I don’t eat tteokguk!” my aunty would cackle.

One Seollal, I thought I would test this logic and vomit up some tteokguk I had eaten the night before to try to reverse the ageing process. It’s safe to say the rest of my family all aged several decades that night.

Harry Jun is a comedian and host of ABC Gamer’s The Loot Drop. He has eaten roughly 31 tteokguks. Find him on Instagram and TikTok.

Celebrate Lunar New Year with SBS.

Writer, comedian and host of SBS podcast "Love Me, Love My Anxiety" Kevin Duo Jin. Source: Supplied

The author of this story, Kevin Duo Jin, is a Chinese-Australian comedian who is very funny. He's the host of the SBS podcast Love Me, Love My Anxiety.