I am currently in my second trimester of a third pregnancy and it hasn’t been without its share of ups and downs. I’ve spent a good three months battling the worst morning sickness I’ve encountered and a ballooning belly that seems to be growing at a faster rate than I’ve experienced previously. The physical symptoms have been pretty textbook but I don’t think I ever expected so many questions about one thing, and it centres around the fact that I’m having another boy.
My husband and I have agreed that we are done after this baby. As the mum of two boys, and with another one on the way, it seems this combination has resulted in me fielding questions regarding my baby’s sex more than my other pregnancies.
One of the most common asked is, “Will you try for a girl?” or “Were you trying for a girl?” It’s an interesting line of questioning (and by how frequently it occurs, something a lot of people must be thinking about) as it ultimately assumes that somehow my experience of parenthood is incomplete unless I have a daughter. In any case the answer is no on both counts. Our family is complete and we wanted another baby full stop – this wasn’t a failed attempt at trying to conceive a child of a particular sex.
… it ultimately assumes that somehow my experience of parenthood is incomplete unless I have a daughter.
Perhaps it’s such a common question when faced with someone who will only ever parent sons (or daughters) because there’s an unspoken ideal for some that having a pigeon pair is the ultimate family dynamic. Being able to have a girl/boy mix means theoretically you get to experience both sides of the child-rearing fence and thus what might be seen as a more “complete” parenting experience. Though anyone with small humans can tell you that parenting is always going to be a mixed bag, full of unexpected moments, regardless of what sex your children are.
That said, I’m the first to admit I’d always assumed that when it came time for me to have children, there would be a daughter in the mix. I think this was largely because I grew up in a family where three out of the four people in our household were women, so I couldn’t really imagine beyond that. As a result, I have already been through all the scenarios I’d imagined (stereotypical or otherwise) of what having a mini me would be like.
Having tea parties, playing with an inordinate number of Barbies, someone stealing my clothes and shoes, wedding dress shopping… I'd played it all out in my mind, even before I became a mum. Plus, there’s just a genuine curiosity there around what my daughter might be like. Upon finding out that that wasn’t to be, I admittedly had to pause and grieve what might have been. Not because I was in any way unhappy, but I needed to farewell that imagined life and close the book on it permanently.
Regardless of the fact that strangers keep speculating I may not feel entirely complete with another boy, I know in my heart I most definitely will.
More importantly, those feelings don’t in any way diminish what I feel for this baby. I can’t wait to meet him. As the weeks tick by and I slowly start to feel the first flutters inside my stomach, I have already started to imagine what my son is going to be like. Who is he going to look like? How will he get along with his brothers? What kind of temperament and personality will he have? Regardless of the fact that strangers keep speculating I may not feel entirely complete with another boy, I know in my heart I most definitely will.
Being privileged enough to have children, and to have been gifted two wonderful sons in the process is something I don’t ever take for granted. I’ve now spent five years parenting two little boys, and they are a bundle of unbridled energy; pure, unadulterated joy interspersed with many, many fart jokes and pee-always-missing-the-toilet moments.
I don’t know any different, of course. But do I honestly feel like I am missing out on something? Well, in my mind, no – because this is the experience I was destined to have.
As the countdown towards the arrival of the new addition to our family inches closer, and the questions no doubt will still come, the only trying I’ll be doing from here on out is in my job as a parent. And maybe correcting the boys’ toilet aim.
