Why looking good is more than skin deep for me

I once had a date with a girl who assumed I loved myself too much because of how I presented myself. I think we should all love ourselves – not in a conceited way, but in how we take care of ourselves.

Quoc Phan, 29, is a content marketer with a flair for fashion and a killer hairdo, who’s also passionate about grooming. Here, he talks about why looking good goes beyond aesthetics – it’s about having confidence and feeling complete.

My parents escaped the Vietnam War and arrived in Australia aged 19 and 20. They started from rock bottom, with virtually no money or English skills to speak of. They hustled their way through life and their work ethic was second to none.

For a long time, they were tailors. They learnt on the job, working long hours in a factory making clothes – underwear, mostly: lots of silk boxers. I didn’t see them as often as I would have liked because they were always working. I was a bit of a rascal and misbehaved a lot in the factory. I remember it was dark and humid, and there were clothes everywhere.

I went to a local primary school in Sydney’s south-west. I was one of only a handful of Asians and I was quite shy. I was regularly bullied – both physically and verbally.

My interest in fashion and presenting myself well came from my mum. She was quite fashionable and used to take me shopping to buy quality clothes, even though we didn’t have much money. She knew I was bullied a lot for being Asian and poor, so she wanted to make sure I was dressed as nicely as possible.

Because of my interest in fashion and grooming, I stood out at my all-boys high school.

She used to educate me when we were shopping, pointing out the double stitching on high-quality denim and low-quality zippers on mass-produced items. She had other advice, such as heavyweight fabrics not necessarily equating to good quality and viscose being a fabric that loses its shape quickly.

In this way, I became genuinely interested in fashion and started doing my own research. What I like about fashion is that it allows you to express your personality.

When I was still a teenager, I sometimes wore colourful, neon clothing on mufti days. After high school, I was wearing blush pink clothes and shoes, funky pocket squares in different colours and fabrics, and coloured chinos.

Quoc Phan in a custom-made suit. Source: Supplied

Because of my interest in fashion and grooming, I stood out at my all-boys high school. I copped a lot of derogatory homosexual labels, even from friends. But I never took it to heart. At the end of the day, if I attract both genders, it doesn’t bother me. I take it as a compliment.

I was bullied in high school at first, but as I got older, I started pushing myself out of my comfort zone, putting my hand up to be the first to try something, doing presentations, things like that. That’s how you get better in life – you throw yourself into uncomfortable positions. I started to think: why not be different? Why do I have to be like everyone else? Sometimes, I would think that it was me against the world. It was probably unhealthy to have that mentality for so long. But that’s what made me, me.

Quoc Phan wearing one of his favourite colours. Source: Supplied

While playing footy at school one day, I noticed some of my teammates shaving their legs. I went home that night and shaved my own legs and enjoyed the sensation of how smooth they felt. That started my interest in grooming.

I’m quite hairy for someone who’s Asian, so each week I trim pretty much all the hair on my body. It takes a fair amount of time. I go to a barber to have my hair cut once a week. I also style my hair every morning – but I’ve got that routine down to three minutes. Some of my friends in high school and in my early 20s used to bully me about my hairstyle, but women have always loved it. I foil shave my face each morning to get rid of any straggly bits, and moisturise day and night. I exfoliate two to three times a week. I also exercise five to six times a week, for about two hours in the morning. As well as the aesthetic benefit, it improves me a lot mentally.

You could be wearing the nicest suit, but if your hair is unkempt or you have dirty fingernails, your look won’t be complete

Sometimes grooming is therapeutic; at other times it’s a chore. I see it as a necessity. You could be wearing the nicest suit, but if your hair is unwashed and unkempt, or if you have super hairy hands, an untamed beard or dirty fingernails, your look isn’t going to be complete.

Being well-groomed makes me feel confident. There have been moments where I’ll be doing work and I’ll get annoyed at my body hair, so I just stop my work and start grooming. I get it out of the way and feel better. It feels like a part of who I am now.

I carry a toiletries bag with me wherever I go. It contains hair wax, volume powder, a comb, nail clippers, tweezers, cotton tips to get rid of excess hair after visiting the barber, hand sanitiser, hand cream, cologne, an electric toothbrush, dental floss, and shampoo and conditioner for showering at the gym.

I once went on a date with a girl who assumed that I loved myself too much because of how I presented myself. I think we should all love ourselves – not in a conceited way, but in a way in which we take care of ourselves, are healthy and constantly improving ourselves.

Girls love their handbags. Guys love their shoes. I love my hair. I’m just trying to embrace it for as long as possible.

Quoc Phan appears in the new season of  The Swiping Game, now streaming on SBS On Demand and airing on Fridays at 9.20pm on SBS Viceland. It’s also available subtitled in Arabic and simplified Chinese script. Visit our Arabic and Chinese collections to view more.