Leila came to Australia by boat 10 years ago. Now she 'can't wait' to leave

Since fleeing Iran in 2013, Leila has used art to cope with her uncertain future. Now she is ‘confident’ of finally finding freedom, but it won’t be in Australia.

Leila in Australia and her artwork of Nauru Credit: Supplied

Highlights

• After seeking asylum in Australia, Leila was sent to Nauru.
• Despite living in limbo for 10 years, she says she found peace within.
• Leila is counting down to finding freedom elsewhere.

In October 2013, Leila* (full name withheld) fled Iran, leaving her daughter behind to fly to Indonesia, then jumping on a "leaky boat" with her son headed for Australia.

Little did she know that due to the reintroduction of the offshore processing policy announced by Kevin Rudd, anyone arriving after 19 July, 2013, would be sent to either Nauru or Manus Island and barred from living in Australia forever.

Former Australian PM Kevin Rudd Source: SBS

Leila, who cannot disclose her reasons for fleeing Iran out of fear for her daughter's safety, said knowing about the change in policy would not have altered her path.

“It was not a decision. Unfortunately, I had no other choice,” she told SBS Persian.

No one would leave their culture, their family and their whole life behind and just go somewhere else. Cases are different, but all refugees are forced to leave their motherland.

Leila

Reza Rostami also arrived in Australia as an asylum seeker in 2013 and now works as a research associate in psychiatry at the University of New South Wales (UNSW).

He emphasises that being a refugee is not a choice.

“When people’s freedom is curtailed, and they are subject to persecution, they have to leave their home countries, (and) this decision is made by force,” he said.

‘Like entering another world’

The same sense of uncertainty Leila harboured while on the plane to Indonesia 10 years ago remains.  

“It was like a journey to Neverland, a feeling like in a movie or animation of entering another world. We didn’t know where we were going, when we would arrive, who would be our friend or who would be our enemy,” she said of leaving her homeland.

Leila was transferred to Nauru and spent over a year in the detention centre.

Leila spent a year at Nauru Detention Centre. Source: Supplied

A 2016 report published by Amnesty International called ‘Island of despair’ stated that “the Government of Australia’s ‘processing’ of refugees and asylum-seekers on Nauru is a deliberate and systematic regime of neglect and cruelty and amounts to torture under international law”. 

Leila's painting of Nauru Credit: Supplied

Since July 19, 2013, a total of 3,183 individuals have been transferred to either Nauru or Manus Island. On average, the Australian government spends $1 billion per year to detain people in these facilities. 

Leila was among the first individuals evacuated to the mainland with her son, who was nine at the time.

According to the Amnesty International report, many families and children were subjected to physical and psychological abuse and inhuman and degrading treatment on Nauru.

After spending seven months in Villawood Detention Centre in Sydney, she was eventually released on a community detention visa, which she held until two months ago. For 10 years, she had no right to study and work.  She is now on a bridging visa.

‘Trapped in a glass cage’

Leila, who is a visual artist, compares her decade in Australia to being trapped in a glass cage.

"I am one of those families who have fallen victim to this policy, and nobody truly knows what we have been through. We are confined within a cage, right in the heart of a remarkably beautiful city," she said. 

"The cage is constructed of glass, invisible to others, and you mistakenly believe that you are an integral part of this beautiful city. But as you move towards anything you desire; your head hits the glass barrier.

Every time my son and I attempted to make decisions for our future, we painfully encountered this unseen glass barrier.

Leila

Mr Rostami said that in psychology, freedom is defined as, “the feeling of independence, free will and being able to make choices based on one’s desires, personal goals and beliefs.”

“Freedom means having equal access to different opportunities and services, and also being able to freely express opinions, beliefs and ideas,” he said.

Leila believes many people in Australia “can't fathom what refugees have endured”.

“Living in limbo for 10 years - unable to reunite with our families, no education and employment rights - feels as though we have been cast on to another planet where nobody knows about us,” she said.

Despite the hardships, Leila has managed to find some inner calm.  

"It took a long time for me to reach this state of peace. I have paid the price through waiting, waiting and more waiting ... The first step towards peace is acceptance. After 10 years, I have accepted the reality, and that acceptance is the source of my peace," she said.

Leila said she found "a sort of freedom" in painting and has had a number of exhibitions in Australia.

“Art is a miracle ... as soon as you step into the art world, you enter a world that you are the creator of. This is very beautiful. You feel free to paint whatever, choose whatever colour and reshape things. When I am painting, I get out of this world and my soul flies freely," she said.

Leila's art is currently exhibiting at Firstdraft Gallery, as organised by the Refugee Art Project. Credit: Supplied

In one of her paintings, she summarised what children went through in the journey to find freedom.

"This painting represents all children who spent their lives in an Australian detention centre, what they have witnessed is carved into their minds and will remain permanently with them," Leila said. 

Leila shared her story with politicians at Parliament House last year. Credit: supplied

She also accepted that she could not stay in Australia.  

"Australia is a beautiful country, and I genuinely like it here. I have made many good friends,” she said.

“However, what has made me happy about leaving Australia is the treatment we, as people seeking asylum, have received from its government, the laws and policies. After enduring 10 years of suffering, I have come to accept that the Australian government still does not want us to live here.

“So, I am now happy leaving Australia and fulfilling my dreams.” 

Offshore processing first started in 2001 when the then Prime Minister, John Howard, said during an election speech: "We will decide who comes to this country and the circumstances in which they come."

While Australia's offshore detention regime has been described as "abusive and costly" by leading human rights groups, both major parties support offshore detention. In April this year, Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, insisted offshore detention centres would remain open under Labor to protect Australian borders.

However, according to the UNHCR, “Seeking asylum is a fundamental human right. Everyone has the right to life and liberty. Everyone has the right to freedom from fear. Everyone has the right to seek asylum from persecution."

"These human rights don’t change based on race, religion, sex or nationality. Human rights don’t change based on whether you seek safety by land, air or sea."

Leila has applied to move to New Zealand and has already completed an interview with the country's immigration authorities.

She says she is optimistic about obtaining a permanent visa to relocate there. 

“I am confident that I will find freedom in New Zealand. I am eagerly counting down the days until I can be there and experience the breath of freedom. There, I will have the right to choose my job, to see my family, and to travel," she said.

“I can't wait to leave Australia behind and embark on this new chapter of my life." 

This article accompanies ‘Finding Freedom', SBS Persian’s new, five-part podcast series to coincide with Refugee Week, in which Iranian refugees and asylum seekers share their journeys and the barriers they continue to face.