I'm a trad woman. I think other women secretly wish they were too

OPINION: Kelsey Thom, 24, believes more women would happily revert to traditional home-keeping roles if they could, but society's judgement and "trauma with bad men" turns them away from the lifestyle.

Kelsey Thom says she "fully understands" why people get heated about women returning to more traditional roles. Source: Supplied

Watch Insight's episode Turning Back Time, exploring nostalgia and what dwelling on the past can mean for the present, on SBS On Demand.

I'm choosing the 'trad' life because I find it more fulfilling than having a career.

I’ve always had respect for women and mothers. After all, we're the ones who are raising and birthing the next generation.

And I’ve always found it fulfilling to help people and to do small things that brighten someone's day.

I enjoy household tasks like cooking, cleaning and homemaking. But in the past, I was doing all of the cooking and 95 per cent of the cleaning and washing, while also working and paying half the bills.

My whole self changed. I was cranky, run-down, and I stopped taking care of myself.

While I understand that there are many jobs that would allow me to help people, "doing it all" isn't what I want for myself. I’m choosing to follow my heart and dedicate my time to my family.

Relationships and dating in the trad way are a lot simpler in my opinion. There's no confusion about having the door opened for you, or about who pays for the date. When each person knows exactly what they are bringing to the table, you spend less time worrying and arguing and more time together enjoying each other's company.

I fully understand why people get heated about women returning to more traditional roles.

I think a lot of it, especially from women, comes from their own trauma with bad men or passed-down trauma from bad men.

Perhaps they worry about young and inexperienced women choosing this path.

The truth is, traditionalism in Western culture now is very different to what it was almost 75 years ago.

Society, laws and technology have changed so much, we couldn't turn back time even if we tried. There is more help, support and protection for women than ever before.

Kelsey Thom says that in traditional communities, women are "respected, cherished and revered just for being women". Source: Supplied

Modern trad women are more cautious and have learnt from the women of the past. Many have PhDs and diplomas, have had successful businesses or have legal documents in place to protect their freedoms and finances.

Some have million-dollar life insurances, investments in their name or mandatory financial compensation built into prenuptial contracts

Trad women go into marriage with open eyes.

Dating in trad relationships

In my experience, there’s a major difference between how men and women treat each other in these relationships.

In traditional belief systems, women are respected, cherished and revered just for being women.

It’s not about “what does she bring to the table?” Because she’s already bringing value just by being a woman in the first place, respected as a creator of life and seen as the key difference between what makes a house and a home.

As a result, women are listened to and their opinions respected, especially among spiritual and religious traditional men who acknowledge “women’s intuition”. When a woman with children is properly supported and loved, it always shows, as it does with 50/50 relationships.

Trad women go into marriage with open eyes.

Kelsey Thom

In my own life, I haven't always been treated well by men, but I can say with confidence that it's the traditional men who have treated me the best.

Dating in traditional relationships is also different to normal dating.

A woman doesn't “chase” or “hunt down” a man; the men pursue the women. That's probably about the only true 1950s aspect left in the relationship.

Plus a trad woman doesn't date a man without vetting him properly. We look for the quality of the man’s morals, his values and the strength of his belief. We also consider his character, ambitions and future plans.

Some people might see these rules as strict, but I see this as women having boundaries and a strong sense of strong self-worth.

Feminism 'has made my life possible'

Deciding to take the path of a more traditional life does not mean I'm incapable of looking after myself. It also doesn't mean that I'm a gold digger, that I will never work again, or that I'm incapable of accomplishing anything else.

I’m currently working while launching my own business. I'm saving in the hope of enacting an investment plan and looking to further my education, this time in natural medicine.

At the same time, I'm dating a fantastic, traditional man who treats me really well and with whom I'm hoping to build a relationship.

Kelsey Thom says a trad woman "doesn't date a man without vetting him properly". Source: Supplied

These choices I enjoy today are thanks to the work of the women who came before me.

I don't see how I'm setting back feminism. My life path has only been made possible by feminism in the first place.

Feminism is about choice and I'm living life on my terms. It’s the women who tell me they secretly wish they could do the same who are not.

They feel paralysed by society's judgement, much like women of the past.