'Why am I still single?' After some soul searching, Sarah has found the answer

Sarah was told she would meet 'the one' when she least expects it. Now, at 39, she's taken things into her own hands.

At the age of 35, Sarah Rus started to deeply contemplate the reasons why she was single. Source: Supplied

“I was wondering, 'how on earth are you still single?'”

It’s a question people often ask me.

Prior 2019, I didn’t have a clear answer, except to say I simply hadn’t found “the one” yet. Now that I've done some inner work, the response is easier.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ve had many amazing boyfriends over the years (ranging from three-month to two-year relationships), but something was always missing — either for me or for them.

I’ve also been in love before, with my high school sweetheart. But a difference in religious beliefs meant we were incompatible, so we agreed to let each other go.

To be honest, I really love living life as a single person. I prefer singledom to being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel right. Single life grants me the freedom to do what I want, when I want.

I spent most of my 20s and 30s travelling the world, and my philosophy was, “If I meet someone, great”. I didn’t focus on dating, and I was never proactive in trying to meet someone special.

In fact, I believed what most people told me: “You’ll meet him when you least expect it.” So I continued to live my life hoping that one day he’d find me.

Sarah Rus says her extensive travel helps to make conversation with new people "a breeze". Source: Supplied

At the age of 35, I still wasn't engaged or married and had lived most of my adult life as a single.

So I began to contemplate the question more deeply: “Why am I still single?”

Creating a vision board

As far as most people are concerned, I am doing more than all right in life.

I’m a catch by many people’s standards.

I’m smart and well educated, and money has never been a problem — I’ve used my degree in nuclear medicine to fund my lifestyle for well over a decade now.

I’m in great shape thanks to my healthy diet and active lifestyle, and I’m happy, friendly and have a youthful energy.

I’ve travelled to almost 60 countries and enjoyed lots of experiences. This makes conversation with almost anyone a breeze, so connecting with people comes easy.

Sarah Rus says she's had "many amazing boyfriends over the years ... but something was always missing". Source: Supplied

So, why am I still single?

Dreaming and hoping to find Mr Right wasn’t working for me, so in May 2019 I stepped into the world of personal development and attended a personal development course to find some answers. During the course I realised that a major reason why I was still single was because I held onto things that had happened in the past, which shaped how I showed up in the world.

I also learned that I could create whatever life I wanted.

So that’s what I began to do.

After listening to Tony Robbins and reading Kathryn Woodward-Thomas’s book Calling in the One, I felt inspired to create a vision board.

I listed my past boyfriends, crushes and people I’ve fallen in love with. I clarified the qualities and characteristics that attracted me to each person and noted why the relationship didn't last.

Sarah Rus says she enjoys life as a single but is keen to fine "the one". Source: Supplied

I then cut out images from magazines that represent the qualities that I’m attracted to, as well as images that represented how I wanted to feel in my future relationship, and what my relationship goals are, such as starting a family.

Pasted onto an A3 piece of cardboard, my vision board reminds me not to be distracted by good-looking guys who have lots of money, a big house or fancy car. While those things are impressive, my heart and soul doesn’t need those things to fall in love.

Dreaming and hoping to find Mr Right wasn’t working for me.

My board also reminds me that, while I may meet some lovely men who have many of the qualities and characteristics on my vision board, if they don’t want to have kids, then I should not enter into a relationship with them. I should continue the search.

In the last 12-18 months since creating the vision board I’ve come very close on a number of occasions to finding “the one”. I’ve met great guys who have many of the values and qualities that I historically fall in love with. But two of those guys were emotionally unavailable and three others didn’t want to have (more) children.

Many singles complain that they never meet good catches.

I would advise them to create a vision board of their dream relationship, just as I did. It's amazing how much easier it is to spot the diamonds in the rough once you've gained clarity around who it is you're really searching for.